The Roaring of My Soul

Have you ever felt that because you're afraid to lose something or fail at something you are living way below your potential? I know I have. I struggle daily with the imposter that lives within me, the poser, the braggart, the man of flesh and blood, who fearful of dying sometimes forgets to live.

But isn't that what Jesus Christ did for us at the cross: take away the fear of death? So why are we still crawling around on our bellies licking up dust and running through the shadows?

I don't know but for me it's usually some kind of fear. Afraid that someone will not like me or respect me or understand me or whatever. You know, it's all a bunch of dung. The only thing that matters is what God thinks and says. Period. End of story.

But how difficult is it to believe that we are precious in His sight, chosen vessels to carry his treasure, more than conquerors over whatever may come our way, when our husband thinks we're stupid or our wife calls us a jerk or our kids are doing stuff they shouldn't and we don't have enough money to do whatever it is we want to do and it seems like days turn into weeks and we're like chasing our tails around and around and nothing seems to be changing. Even after all the great teachings and counseling and the 'breakthroughs' and epiphanies we've had in our journey thru life, things are still difficult.

That's the real rub isn't it? How do we have faith and believe in the words of the invisible God and our Savior Jesus Christ when all around us our little world is falling apart and we can't do a thing to stop some of the erosion. All we can do is take care of our own heart and soul and mind and strength and even that fails at times. Pile a little guilt and shame onto this fiasco and you have a full blown recipe for despair, I'll tell you what. And with all the knowledge and wisdom I think that I have, and all the friendships and relationships I think that I have, there are still days where the abyss comes rushing in usually during the late night, early morning hours and I am tempted to panic, to despair, to cut and run, to lash out against God and humanity.

I only know one thing to do when the whole world seems to be on fire around me and within me and I am not strong enough to save myself, let alone those I love: I have to roar out my praises to God. And for me it's really a roar: a deep, guttural groaning roar to the heavens. Loudly, knowing and caring nothing for my self for good or ill, I raise my head and roar my praises to Him and His son, the rightful rulers of the universe.

I am dust and I will return to dust. No matter how many times I spin this little dirt bike of mine around the world's track, no matter how many books or bucks I collect on the journey and no matter who loves or hates me righteously or unrighteously, I will someday in my body stand before the Lord God Almighty and my Savior Jesus Christ. That will be my day of glory for even if he judges me according to my deeds, yet is my salvation secure in my savior.

Therefore from the depth of my anguish and disappointments and inabilities I roar with the strength of the Lion of Judah within: Great is God our Father and Great is His Son Jesus Christ and Great is His Kingdom which is coming to earth. Let all who draw breath praise Him. Let all who are wise be fools. Let all who would speak before Him be dumb. Let the humble in spirit approach and let the meek guide all of us to His throne. I await the coming of the Lord God of hosts and the armies in heaven which shall be led by the One on whose thigh is written the name above all Names. Even so come quickly Lord Jesus.

In the meantime, while we are waiting, can I get anyone a glass of water?

@ 2007 Joseph Ricciardi Jr